Clay

This is really hard to write a post about the death of a little 2 day old ram lamb. I have a good friend right now who has been fighting cancer for a few years. And she is near the end. It's not something that's easy to deal with, whether it's a helpless little new born animal or a grown woman. Death just sucks. I can't think of any other way to put it. It just sucks. My best friend died almost 3 years ago. My step dad died the end of May last year. I just heard today that a friend I grew up with found out she has lung cancer. Now my friend Libby. It's all around us. Everyone has someone they love who has died. And we will too. It's just life. That's all.  And it's sad. And we miss these people so much.

I have never seen anyone die. I don't think I could deal with that. When my friend Kathy was in the hospital, dying, her whole family and most of her closest friends, were there with her. We were there in the ER room. We all walked with the guys who were taking her to a private room. There were a lot of people following that bed. But I could not stay there in that room, talking to all the other people there, and watch my best friend just die. But that's what people here in the South do. I had to leave. I'm not from the South. I just could not bear to be there when she left this world. And she did, about 3 the next morning. Her daughter called and I couldn't even answer the phone. I just knew she was gone. And I don't think I have missed anyone as much as I miss her.

So Clay and his brother were born Thursday morning. I wasn't there to help Darla clean them off. I like to be there to help them get their little faces cleaned off. So what happened I think is that he got fluids in his little lungs. And there could have been other things wrong with him as well. I will never know. He wouldn't have lived this long in the wild. Or if I hadn't done all I did for him.

I brought him in yesterday and gave him milk. Rubbed the bottom of his feet with alcohol to bring his high fever down. Nothing seemed to help. I was surprised this morning that he was still breathing. He was very weak. I had some things that needed to be done. When I got home, he was near the end. I could tell. I just picked him up and held him real close to my chest. I guess for probably an hour or so. I didn't know it could take so long. It was so sad. And hard to do. I cried. Not only for him, but for all the people I've lost. And he died. I took him outside to Darla so she could say goodbye to him. She knew he was gone.

I don't think he would have been a healthy lamb if he had made it. And so I am ok with this because I know he would have had a hard time. This is a working farm and things like this happen. I have never lost a baby lamb or goat kid. I have 8 healthy lambs out there right now with more to come. It could happen again. I don't know. I certainly hope it doesn't. It just really sucks.